GOD'S TIME

'You are alright, perfectly okay; the both of you'. I have said this a hundred times, I just wish you can stop coming here, and wasting money on check ups'.
'Thank you doctor'. My husband said. He held my hands tightly. I sat there, stiff and motionless.
'Madam I know your plight' the doctor said. I looked at the frame standing on his table, and the one hung near his bookshelf. Three girls and a boy. He has four children and he is saying, he can understand my plight. I wanted to scream. I wanted to pull at my hair, and use his beautiful polka dotted tie to squeeze my neck. I wanted to push everything on his table to the floor, climb over the table, pull him forward with his tie, look into his eyes and say 'You don't bloody know my plight'. But I just sat there and listened to him say what he had been saying for the past ten years. 'Mr & Mrs Ezeugo you have to put this matter in God's hands'.
We walked to the car in silence, small beads of sweat form a half moon line on my husbands face. 'Kamara, everything would be fine' he said to me like he always did. I nodded a non chalant nod. I didn't want him to console me, it made everything worse.

We got to Rapuluchukwu's house in Lekki peninsula, she was having her childs naming ceremony; she already had five. I knew I was better that Rapulu; I had a husband who wasn't a drunkard and a woman beater. Yet, I still felt jealous of her. In our university days, she was notorious for her hot pants for men. She had five abortions that I know of, but she still has children. And me? Good girl, best student in my class, best student in law school, Harvard law graduate on scholarship, Virgin till 23 and i was barren, twelve years of marriage and nothing to show for it.
'Sweetheart', Rapulu said, as she threw her hands around me in such an ostentatious manner, it made me sick. I smiled, trying to match her fakeness. 'Congratulations my dear'.
'Thanks God o! He is the one that keeps blessing me'.
'Yes thank God' I said. She walked us into the big garden were the celebration was taking place. Sitted in one corner of the garden were her friends dressed glamorously, in red suede wrapper and gold blouse with matching gele. I walked fast, I didn't want them to see me, but Rapulu, with her big mouth asked me to sit with them.
'I would sit with my husband, you know how he hates being alone in public'.
'Larry, would survive without you for 30 minutes, and that corner is reserved for my friends'. I pinched Larry, hoping he would come to my rescue.
Finally, I went to sit with them. We exchanged pleasantries. I knew all Rapulu's friends because we all attend the same church. 'How is the family, How is business, How is your mother' they asked. I kept saying fine, I felt my mouth would get stuck saying it. I pulled a chair to sit down when Chiwendu, the leader of the catholic mothers association said 'Kamara what are you doing?'. It was difficult to comprehend the question. 'I am sitting of course'.
'You can't sit on this table',
'Why, if I may ask'.
'This table is for mothers'.
It was as though someone slapped me in the eyes.
'Rapulu said...' I stammered, then stopped. I could feel the tears building up. I pushed the chair back in place. I waited for a minute, for any of this church women, who gave large donations in church, who carried Rosary and Scapula everywhere they go, to say something that wasn't spiteful, but they all sat there like demons.
'It's not the way you see it, it's the rule'. One of them said, I didn't look up to see who. I felt humiliated and frustrated as I walked to the car. Larry followed me outside.
'Babe what is it' he said, as we got into the car. 'Nothing'.
'Don't tell me nothing, you are crying'.
'Rapulu just humiliated me, she knew that table was only for mothers, and she asked me to go and sit there.'
'Is that why you are crying?'
'Why won't I cry, goodness gracious, Larry, I am getting to forty, forty years and I don't have one single child. I can't even boast of an abnormal child. Nothing! I am just a piece of flesh and bone walking around.'
'Don't say that babe, you are the most intelligent person I know, the best goddamn lawyer in this country. You are awesome.'
'It's nothing without a child, I feel so empty, I am not awesome'.
'Gods time is the best.' He said. 'Let's get out of here.
We drove home in silence, in all the years of our marriage, I have never been able to understand the man I married, he was an enigma.
'What are you thinking about?' I asked him.
'How much I love you'.
'Funny you'.
'I am serious, babe, I don't think I could be with anyone else',
'I love you too baby'
'Can you do me a favor'
'What hon?'
Let's forget about this baby issue, please don't ever bring it up'.
'Hon, I try, I try so much.'
'You have to try harder babe, you have me, and God would give us a child when he deems fit'.
This wasn't normal, how could he always be like these, so undisturbed about my childlessness. He hadn't spoken to his mother in six years because she told him he had to choose, Me or her. And he choose me.
He was no longer the 30 years old Larry that swept me off my feet, he was a now a man, who was always thinking. I squeezed his hands, as we listened to the music playing on the car stereo ~ Luther Van dross, I'd rather ~
'I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else' He said to me.
For the first time that day I smiled a genuine smile. Fuck Rapulu, and her wife beater husband, and fuck those Stupid women. I had love.