Women, Sexuality, Men; The truth we hate to think of.

I would love to borrow this long quote:

"We teach girls to shrink themselves
To make themselves smaller
We say to girls
'You can have ambition
But not too much
You should aim to be successful
But not too successful
Otherwise you will threaten the man'
Because I am female
I am expected to aspire to marriage
I am expected to make my life choices
Always keeping in mind that
Marriage is the most important
Now marriage can be a source of
Joy and love and mutual support
But why do we teach to aspire to marriage
And we don't teach boys the same?
We raise girls to each other as competitors
Not for jobs or for accomplishments
Which I think can be a good thing
But for the attention of men
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings
In the way that boys are" - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie


This brings us to the topic; women and their need for male approval.

90% of the time a woman stays in the mirror to preen and look good. She is trying to impress one or several men. She wants to look good so that she can be admired (most of the time in a sexual manner). This isn't something a girl sits down to decide. Somehow it's like that.
Most women expect to be treated differently because they are women. They want to buy favours by batting their eyelashes. They want preferential treatment because they are fine. And, the day a girl would take her time, dress up and apply all the make up she can lay her hands on, and no boy walks up to her and asks for her number, or nobody even admires her, there would be trouble.


So many times a girls self confidence can be measured by the amount of male attention she gets. A girl who isn't naturally too pretty tends to suffer from serious inferiority complex, and one who is fine even though she is dumb, is all puffy and proud because boys tell her she is fine (as if she is God that created herself).





It is the truth that our brain shuts down to. That women have been objectified as sexual beings. No matter how successful you are, there is that heaviness in your back that brings you down to just being a woman, nothing else.
Especially in Nigeria, men here are quick to say 'she is a woman'. That alone is enough to excuse or trivialise anything you do.

There isn't much we can do about this situation. If a woman decides to find her own voice, she is doing an abominable thing. You must come under the canopy of a man. It's what it is. That's the way it has always been. But is that the way it should be?

We are first human beings, before we are women. Before you think 'Ha! She is a woman'. First treat her like a human being. Don't go to a table surrounded by guys, and shake hands with all of them and ignore the lady sitting there too. Because she is a lady or because something in your screwed up head doesn't think she also deserves a hand shake . Not only is it improper, it is disgusting and galling.


Men and women have different roles to play. And for all these roles, God has given us tools to handle them. If a woman tries to play the role of a man, it becomes irritating and vice versa.


Men and women are equal. We were created equal, but just differently. For the people that think that a man is the head of the house. Remember, the head rarely controls the heart.

WE NEED A PIECE OF MADIBA

"Heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race" - Michael Jackson

When the lights go off, and the curtains are closed. When you are asked off the stage, and your name wiped off the cast. What will you have achieved? What will you leave behind? Will you die with a smile on your face or a frown? Will people shake their heads and move on. Or will they cry and wish you to come back. Will you have wasted God's time and yours?
Am guessing your parents will cry and your siblings. Maybe few of your friends will update their bbm and twitter and write "What a shock! Rip my dear friend. Life is cruel". But what else?
These were the questions I asked myself during Madiba's ten days memorial ceremony. And I think everyone should do the same.
Life is empty, worthless, meaningless, pointless without Love. It was the love Madiba had for his fellow South Africans that made him fight tooth and nail for their freedom. Madiba did a superhuman thing. It would have been impossible for apartheid to end without massive bloodshed if not for Madiba (look at the lifes we lost during the Biafran war which was fought between us Nigerians, imagine if we were fighting people who weren't Nigerians. People who came into our country, stripped us off our rights, our dignity, and our sense of belonging? Trust me it would have been way bloody).
But Madiba in his supernatural way ended the apartheid. Freed so many South Africans from the shackles of slavery. Madiba gave hope to others selflessly. He fought for humanity, and he was ready to die.
Madiba was humble. He was principled. He was a good man, who believed in forgiveness and love.
A man that spent 27 years of his life in prison for what he believed in. And in those 27 years never was there a time that he decided to bend. He knew what he wanted for his people and he achieved it.
We should all emulate Madiba. Let's begin with our personal lifes. We should rise above jealousy, anger, hate. We should fight for what is right and stand by it at all times. We should always ask: Is true? Is it fair? Will it be beneficial to all concerned? Will it bring goodwill and better friendship?
We should seek at all times to be like Madiba. Rise up against injustice. Ditch the "chop alone" mentality. Don't be useful to yourself and family alone. Reach out to people. If you can't give money, give a smile, give a word of encouragement or even a listening ear. Let selfless love flow out of you. It takes practice, hard work, and determination. Just today, do a little something for someone you don't know. If we can have a piece of Madiba in Nigeria then we are on a short walk to happiness.