WHAT'S IN BETWEEN MY LEGS

'Is that all you know? Sex this, Sex that'.
'I don't understand you again o!'
'How would you understand, when all you think about is sex'.
'Dozie, it have do for you. Don't insult me'.
'You are mad for spitting that rubbish out of that your pit latrine of a mouth.'
I was aghast. Meaning what nau? Look at this idiot o! I began dressing up. He lay down on the bed, with his dirty boxers. All I could think of was how I have suffered in this Lagos.
'Please give me transport money'. I asked him, standing akimbo. If he wanted trouble, I would give him fire.
'Which transport money?'
'Go and ask your prostitute mother in the village that question. If you don't want hell fire to fall on your head now, better give me 20,000.'
'20 what?' He screamed, jumping from the bed with great alacrity.
'Try me now, just try me'. I held my shoe on my hand, and turned the 'Koi Koi' so he could see that it was long and pointy enough to make a very deep and painful hole in his brain.
'Ashawo, Ogbanje, Mammy water spirit' he cursed as he counted 20,000 from the bundle of two hundred naira bills he collected from his pocket.
'I hope this money is complete', I said, waving the notes in his face. 'Idiot, you want to do osho free'.
I could see his face turning red, he tightened his fist in anger. I banged the door. 'Fool' I muttered under my breathe.


I scrubbed my body thoroughly, washing away his touch, and his smell. I smiled, a loose smile, he wanted to use me, but I reared my ugly head in his face. No man can ever use me again. The first time I was dumped, was the last time, and would remain the last. Any man who finds himself between my legs must pay, in cash or kind, preferably in cash. Even now, as I ran my hands all over my body, I could still remember his little kisses, that sent waves of shock to my body. Ikenna, the name that was once like butter in my mouth. My hands roamed around my big buttocks; he loved it, he used to sleep with his hands grabbing it.
Ikenna showed me pure desire, he showed me what it was like to crave, to deeply want something. I was addicted to his laughter; the marks that appeared on his face when he laughed, the way he flipped his head to the left and held his belly. Ikenna laughed with his soul, and I loved him for it.
He was the first man I loved. I gave him my heart, body and soul. He feasted on my body, like a parasite. And when I was almost dizzy with love for him, he knocked me back into reality. Every waking moment reminds me of his betrayal. I remember the day, he turned my world around.

'I am pregnant' I said, shaking in fear.
'Whaaaat' he screamed, 'for who?'
My breathing stopped, goose pimples invaded every part of my body.
'Ikenna, you know you are the only one that I have ever been with.'
'Shut your stupid mouth, before I shut it up for you. I don't know what you are talking about. You better go and look for the father of your bastard'.
'Why, Why' I cried, as I fell on my feet. 'Please, Ikenna don't do this to me'.
'Leave my house'.
I fell at his knees, and grabbed the edge of his trousers. 'Please, I don't know what to do'.
He kicked me in the stomach, 'Get out'. I squirmed in pain, and he kicked me again.
'Leave my house, and don't let me see you here with anybody'.
'Please Ikenna, let's settle this' I said, in between coughs and snorts.'I would abort the baby, I just need some money'.
'Get out' he screamed. I ran out to the streets like a mad woman. The pain I felt overcame shame. I ran faster than my legs could carry me, with my slippers on my hands.
 I died in that moment. It was betrayal in its deadliest form. At 16, he deceived me and  abandoned me. It was in that moment of confusion that a car knocked me down. All I could see was blood, and people trying to help me. I lost my baby, I lost myself.

It's been ten years since Ikenna, but it still feels like yesterday. I don't hate men, I just feel nothing for them. Everything they say, everything they do is for one ultimate goal - What's in between your legs.