A TRIBUTE

Our love was like coffee with plenty of cream in it - bitter sweet, but more of sweet - You were something I couldn't do without. You were always there for me, loving me, teaching me, guiding me. You were a bright light in the darkness of my heart, and yet I didn't try to value you.
It's not that I didn't love you. It's just that I didn't realize how much. It's not that I didn't dream of your kiss, your touch...It's just that I didn't value them. I felt you were mine forever. I didn't think for a moment that it could be possible for you to be gone forever...until you left me on that sunny sunday afternoon.

Obim, they said you were a thief, that you were carrying illegal arms and you tried to attack them. How I cried when I heard this lies against you. Obim, you were a masters degree holder. We didn't have too much but we had enough to make us happy; your father left you a good inheritance. You were a christian, a staunch catholic not a thief, not a terrorist. You couldn't hurt a fly. You always cried everytime we watched Titanic. Obim, you had never stolen a thing in your life, yet they called you a thief because you refused to give them #100. Why? What is #100 compared to your life? Why didn't you settle them like thousands of Nigerians do? Obim, I always told you to jettison this your 'save Nigeria' ideology. I told you that you should think of surviving; that's how Nigerians think. I told you that, you alone, can't fight corruption in Nigeria. I told you that people have tried before you, but they faced the same fate. I told you of Dele Giwa, of Ken Saro-wiwa.
What makes my throat sting is that picture of your corpse on the Newspaper; a bullet wound in your head, your handsome face a lagoon of blood, your tongue stuck out like a goats, your eyes bloodshot, deep bruises scattered all over your body. Obim, you were naked in that picture and that Newspaper had a caption above that picture 'POLICE KILLS ARMED ROBBERY SUSPECT'. What should have been written is ' 'POLICE KILLS INNOCENT MAN BECAUSE OF #100'. I couldn't read the whole story because I was shaken. I cried at the injustice meted out on you, the ignorance and incompetence of the journalist that wrote that article. I cried not only because you were gone but because you died an undignified death, a death so painful that it made my brain shrink to think about it.
Even more so, you left without a sign, without a goodbye, without eating the rice and stew I cooked for you that sunday (I added curry leaf because I know you loved curry leaf).

Its been months now, but every time I think of you, my body is invaded by goose bumps, my heart beats faster, and tears flow uncontrollably from my eyes. Writing about you in past tense is hard because I still can't fully accept the fact that you are gone forever, that my dreams of bearing your children will never be reality, that I wasted my imagination thinking of the day you would make me your wife. I don't accept this. I wanted to shout, kick, bite, scream, and even sue the police but, Obim, am sorry that I don't have your spirit to always do what is right. I am sorry that I have joined the crowd of Nigerians who keep quiet when they are stripped off their rights by people who should be upholding them. I am sorry that I am among the bandwagons of Nigerians that bribe the police at every check point. Obim, I am deeply sorry that I can't fight your fight because my mind has been corrupted by the fear of dieing your death. I am sorry that I can't do anything but soak my pillows in tears because I know that even if I speak up nobody would hear me and if unfortunately I talk too much and the wrong people hear me Obim, I might die your death.

I keep beating myself up for all those days I went to bed without telling you how much you mean to me. Regretting all the times I didn't love you enough.
I miss you so much. If you can read this (if it's allowed in heaven) I want to tell you the things I always forgot to tell you while you were alive -I LOVE YOU and I VALUE YOU. Sleep like the baby you are Obim! My love! My heartbeat!

*Dedicated to all those who have lost their innocent loved ones to such barbarism, especially to the recent one (Apo killings by officials of SSS) and the old one five years ago (by the Nigerian policemen). May their souls rest in perfect peace. Amen.