The confusion about marriage is not a 'Nigeria thing' it's a 'world thing'. But, the confusion in Nigeria has graduated to madness. Everybody is missing the whole point of this institution. It's has taken a very social meaning. It's now a responsibility that must be carried out; like emptying your waste bin every saturday. It's now a sickness; marriage fever. Men and women have been infected with this illness, and even the married ones are still not free of this social responsibility.
Let me start with the guys: There comes a time in the life of every man when he feels it's time to 'settle down'. This is when the madness creeps in. Every girl becomes a desperate-i-must-get-married-person to you. You begin to read meaning into what is simple. If your girlfriend should insist on seeing your mother, she wants to tie you down. If she talks about children, she is showing signs of desperation.
At a point no girl is good enough for you. You begin to notice that the girl you have been dating for three years isn't good in the kitchen. What of her bed acrobatics? Zero!
Your madness gets to the level that you see a girl in church, praying sincerely to her God, and you are like 'Woah she is prayerful, she would be a good wife'. Or you see a girl playing with her sisters kid, and you are like 'Woah, she is wonderful with kids. She would be a good mother'.
Isn't that madness? Isn't it madness to look for a wife like you shop for a good shoe?
You begin to pick women like they pick beans. You sieve and sieve; you complain,and complain. Ngozi is too fat. When she gives birth to one child now, she would become a bulldozer. Amara is not industrious; I don't want to marry a house wife. Gift is extravagant. She would finish my money.
Now, I am not saying that choosing is bad. I am just saying that whenever you are choosing and picking, and sieving, always remember that the more you look, the less you see. And never forget that word called change. Your angel today, can turn to a witch tomorrow.
Over to the ladies:The craziest of all. The society has unconsciously twisted your psychology - marriage is a do-or-die affair. Not that girls are totally to blame. If you are clocking thirty, and you haven't hooked a man. You become an ashawo that has lost her womb in the course of her job. In short, you are not woman enough. You have a problem. And, not that they are too wrong. Because, even you would begin to act like a mental patient. Everybody begins to look like a potential husband. Even that son-of-a-bitch that beats you black and blue. You begin to attend every wedding you can. You begin to act like a jelly fish; suppressing your personality, dulling your intelligence. So men won't find you intimidating.
Every chance you get, you would make it known to that guy that is financially comfortable, that you can cook soup, and wash cloth like a dry cleaner (essential housewife quality).
Every man/boy/thing (as far as he has a penis) becomes marry-able.
And you are ready to visit the most powerful babalawo, in the deepest of forests, if that your boyfriend you have been 'saving' for marriage gives you hint that there is another girl in the 'wife-to-be-zone'.
You turn into a Lion. If any other Lion enters your territory you would claw, tear, scatter and shed blood.
It's madness....
But we all are or would be victims of this madness. We can only pray that we don't get there. And pray that we understand that life's too short to waste worrying about things that would work out perfectly if we let them be.
Marriage is a chance to let someone else experience your life. A life that you live only once. There is no coming back and un doing your regrets. Or un marrying your husband or wife. Follow your heart most of the way, follow the voice of God (but don't be a religious hypocrite. Don't sleep in the church because you are looking for a husband).
Marriage is not compulsory, but it is extremely necessary. To have someone who would see the world with you. Who at the end of it all would be there for you. It's priceless. It's a gift from God. I believe we all deserve that gift.
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